***A letter that I have written to my younger self. ***
Oh girl. Listen up. I have some things to talk about with you.
I want to thank you so very, very much because you held your own. You were very confident in what you wanted to do, but you just didn’t know how or have the experience to begin. You were full of dreams. Your head was constantly in the clouds. You were always thinking of ways to make it and make it BIG!
Your fantasies were laughed at. Your dreams were slapped down to the ground with the words of “you need to be realistic.” And yet, what did you do? You kept going. But you were wounded. Those wounds caused you to slowly bleed out over time. Those wounds remained open and so infections began to set in.
You didn’t know where to go, so you turned to organized religion to help stitch them up. A few of those wounds were bandaged, but those doctors couldn’t control the infections. They simply were only able to keep them clean and bandaged long enough to help you find the Specialist that would cure you.
The whole time you were hemorrhaging, you saw others suffering the same. And instead of walking along, you stopped to assist them over and over again. You were amazing, did you know that? You were in pain, but you consistently pushed your pains to the side to make sure that others were okay first.
I admire that about you.
The other thing I admire is your strong will and independence. You were often labeled as stubborn, in so many ways you were, but sometimes what others thought was stubbornness was you only standing strong in your beliefs, your convictions, your morals and values. You were steadfast and unbreakable. You were small in size, but you packed a mighty, mighty punch. You know what they say: “BIG things come in small packages.” That is you, baby.
I wanted to write you this letter to let you know that you are truly appreciated. I have recognized your strength and I am honored to have known you; however, I feel that it is your time to rest. As you know, death is only a doorway; it is not the end, but a new beginning.
It is time for you to hang it up and let go. I am here to take over. You have done your job well and you shall be rewarded.
I want to promise you that I will keep your zest for life. I will begin to go after my dreams the same way you went after yours. I will continue to face my fears and do what the hell I want to, just like you.
I will dance. I will sing. I will laugh and play and dream and speak my mind…just like you.
But please know this, I will not be you. I am another that long to take your talents and gifts and make them my very own. You see, I am The Mother and I am the mature version of you.
Through your eyes, I have watched. I have understood why you acted the way that you did. I’ve seen your silent tears and knew why you shed them. I have seen the way you gave so selflessly and how others took advantage of your kindness.
What I am promising you is that I will no longer allow any of that to happen. I am willing to stand in and do the work for you.
I will show you how love is supposed to feel because I will master the art of Self-Love. I will begin to make sure that while I am giving, I am also receiving. I will make sure that I love myself so I can better love others.
I will honor your creativity and your love of words, as I will continue to use them and inspire people all over the world, just as you would have liked.
I will keep your legacy of passion, sensuality, sexuality, and pleasure alive, without any of the shame that you endured! I will protect you from those that do not have the best intentions for you.
I will love, nurture, care, and guide in the way that only a loving Mother can.
You are free to go. I will take over now. Your death is needed so that I may be born.
And I will not let your death be in vain.